This Should Have Been A Good Day...

One month ago today I found out my baby didn't have a heartbeat & had died in my womb about a week previous. Today should have been the first day of my second trimester (the day we had planned on telling the world our big news). Today was a day I was looking forward to 32 days ago.

My favorite band is Coldplay (I know, I know... say what you will but I have loved them since the day they came out & played at small venues in DFW, none of this AA Center business). They have two songs that have meant very different things to me at very different points in my life.

The first one is "Fix You":

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

The second one is "Lost":

Just because I'm losing

Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you'll be lost

Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing starts
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off…

Now trust me - I hate those people that randomly put song lyrics up on the Facebook, but this is my blog & I can do whatever I want, right?

I will never get sick of these songs because I feel like they're talking straight to me. I'm definitely not as weepy as I was a month ago, but I'm still weepy. It's getting better.

I also wanted to pop in on the subject of redheadedness:

I have a great friend who is also a redhead & everytime we go around together people ask us things like, "Are yall twins"? or "Are yall sisters"

Why do people automatically assume that? No one goes around asking two black girls who are together if they're related or two Asian girls that. They wouldn't DARE! But two redheads? Go ahead & nosy into our business! It's just very strange...