Wow.

There's lots going on with me lately. TCU football has begun and I also have many obligations in the weekday evenings now. Seems kinda crazy. It's hard to keep track of everyone like I used to. I got to witness the birth of my darling friend Kristi's baby at the end of September. I have my yard all ready for fall/Halloween. The weather is finally starting to cool down (which I love). So now it's just waiting. If you know me I am not a very patient person. Please pray for me these next couple of months that some really magical things start to happen for me again to possibly pull me out of this funk :).

I'm Throwing Myself A Pity Party & Everyone Is Invited...

I've been feeling really sorry for myself lately. Any ideas on how to fix this? My hormones are all out of whack, so I'm hardly losing any weight. Thus I don't feel very pretty. And I'm hungry. I'm stuck in a dead end job that doesn't make me feel very smart. That used to be my one go to: at least I was smart. Now I just feel stupid. It seems like no matter how hard I try (at anything) I'm just spinning my wheels. I'm sure everyone has felt like this at some point but I could use some advice as to how to get out of this funk & get my confidence back.

So I haven't been drinking now for about 2 weeks. I feel like I'm not funny anymore. Maybe that was my crutch. I didn't notice it for the month that I wasn't drinking before (I guess because of my elation about the baby), but now I notice it. I'm sure it's better for my health (especially as I start trying to "prepare" my body for another baby) but it's certainly not better for my ego.

As the fall comes up I hope that puts me in a better mood. Maybe I'll go out & run more (& not feel like I'm absolutely dying of a heat stroke). Most days I just want to go home, lay on the couch with my doggies and watch Intervention. That always makes me feel better about my life. Every weekday morning I want to cry because I don't want to wake up and go to work. When oh when will I just get to lay in bed all day & feel sorry for myself? No one (especially Lee, Steph, etc) will ever let me & maybe that's a good thing.

On a happier note I finally paid off all my remaining credit card debt today (not that it was crazy, just from Cancun & the deck). So I do feel a little lighter (in my pocketbook especially). Tell you what though, I would rather feel lighter in this block of a body than in my pocketbook.

You Can't Always Get What You Want...

So I went to the doctor on Tuesday (in torrential rain thanks to Hermine) and she said that everything looks okay, she just wants me to wait at least one (preferrably two) cycles before we try again. Yuck. I was kinda hoping she would be like, "Awesome! Go ahead & go home & get after it!" but I should know better. The waiting continues...

Let me just throw out that I hate one-uppers. You know who I'm talking about: those people you work with, or are friends with or go to church with (or are related to) that always have to go one step beyond you. It was raining at your house? Oh, well they got at least 15" of rain. Did it rain pea-sized hail at your house? Oh, well they got softball sized hail. Did you have a headache last night? Well they had a migraine... you get the picture? If you are one of these people please try to recognize it & stop before people (like me) start to hate being around you.

New things are about to be started in the next month. Things that are good for me & my family (hopefully). Can't divulge too much right now, just throwing that out so yall will be thinking good thoughts for me :).

Also, I am on a new diet. It sucks. I can only have protein and select vegetables. Notice "buffalo chicken wings" was not on that list. That's because they are banned. I haven't gone a week without wings in about 5 years. I have a serious addiction. I am also addicted to hummus. So this is very trying on me. But if I don't do something drastic (and soon) I won't be able to (currently cannot) fit into the jeans I currently own & plan on wearing for winter. Wish me luck. I am also running some too but with this new diet I'm afraid my energy reserves are not what they used to be. Winter is my prime running season though so I better get on it! Half Marathon #5 is in February.

SEPTEMBER!!!

Finally August is over with. Thank goodness. I hate August. It is probably my least favorite month of the year. Not that September is my favorite, but it does mean we (Texas) are on the slope back down to some cooler temperatures, which I love. My theory: you can always add more clothing, but you can only take so much off & then you're just stuck being miserably hot. Bring on the Uggs & scarves!

We got season tickets to the TCU football games this year so I am pretty pumped about that. It was super sweet & unexpected (especially since he's an SMU alumni). Not that I am a "crazy" football fan, but I am an alumni and always loyal to my hometown team :). We went to Cowboys Stadium to see them beat Oregon and that was fun, but I don't feel compelled to go there again: too big for me. Go Frogs!

On a totally random note, last night I was flossing my teeth and I don't know what possessed me to do this but I actually smelled the floss. I almost barfed in my mouth. What in the world is between our teeth! I proceeded to brush my teeth (again) and rinse with hydrogen peroxide and scope. Lesson of the day: Never smell the floss!

This Thursday is my beautiful (18 month younger) sister's birthday. Happy birthday Lainey!

Also, thanks for the comments last month. They help immensely and I appreciate them!

On a more serious note, I go back to the doctor this Tuesday to see if they give me the thumbs up to start trying again for another baby so keep me in your prayers!

This Should Have Been A Good Day...

One month ago today I found out my baby didn't have a heartbeat & had died in my womb about a week previous. Today should have been the first day of my second trimester (the day we had planned on telling the world our big news). Today was a day I was looking forward to 32 days ago.

My favorite band is Coldplay (I know, I know... say what you will but I have loved them since the day they came out & played at small venues in DFW, none of this AA Center business). They have two songs that have meant very different things to me at very different points in my life.

The first one is "Fix You":

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

The second one is "Lost":

Just because I'm losing

Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you'll be lost

Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing starts
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off…

Now trust me - I hate those people that randomly put song lyrics up on the Facebook, but this is my blog & I can do whatever I want, right?

I will never get sick of these songs because I feel like they're talking straight to me. I'm definitely not as weepy as I was a month ago, but I'm still weepy. It's getting better.

I also wanted to pop in on the subject of redheadedness:

I have a great friend who is also a redhead & everytime we go around together people ask us things like, "Are yall twins"? or "Are yall sisters"

Why do people automatically assume that? No one goes around asking two black girls who are together if they're related or two Asian girls that. They wouldn't DARE! But two redheads? Go ahead & nosy into our business! It's just very strange...

Top 10 List Of Things I Hate

1. Having to poop right after I've taken a shower
2. White lies
3. Chapped Lips
4. U2
5. Being chubby
6. Emo kids

7. Heelys

8. People who go to funerals for people they didn't even know
9. Motorcycles
10. "lol"

Massages

I didn't get bangs. Not yet. Maybe next time when it's not 106 degrees outside (or else they would just be plastered to my forehead all day in sweat). This weekend was pretty good. Saw Ron White the comedian on Saturday. He was nice & raunchy. Starting that C25K too. I've done 4 half marathons but I think I'm gonna scale back for awhile & try to have a REALLY good 5K time (which to me is under 30 minutes). We'll see how that works. The hubby is starting it with me too (and already seems to have pulled his hamstring).

Got a much needed WONDERFUL massage today... needless to say, she said my body was all out of sorts (which doesn't surprise me since the last time I had one was Spring). I think I might just splurge & get a facial too this week. I need some "me" things to maybe get me out of this funk. It finally rained today so maybe that too will make it cooler, which will make me happier!

All day I think of things I'm going to blog, then I forget them when it's time to plug them in. Oh well. I'll remember them later & add. You're just gonna have to sit through the boring for now.