This Should Have Been A Good Day...

One month ago today I found out my baby didn't have a heartbeat & had died in my womb about a week previous. Today should have been the first day of my second trimester (the day we had planned on telling the world our big news). Today was a day I was looking forward to 32 days ago.

My favorite band is Coldplay (I know, I know... say what you will but I have loved them since the day they came out & played at small venues in DFW, none of this AA Center business). They have two songs that have meant very different things to me at very different points in my life.

The first one is "Fix You":

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

The second one is "Lost":

Just because I'm losing

Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
'Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you'll be lost

Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the firing starts
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off…

Now trust me - I hate those people that randomly put song lyrics up on the Facebook, but this is my blog & I can do whatever I want, right?

I will never get sick of these songs because I feel like they're talking straight to me. I'm definitely not as weepy as I was a month ago, but I'm still weepy. It's getting better.

I also wanted to pop in on the subject of redheadedness:

I have a great friend who is also a redhead & everytime we go around together people ask us things like, "Are yall twins"? or "Are yall sisters"

Why do people automatically assume that? No one goes around asking two black girls who are together if they're related or two Asian girls that. They wouldn't DARE! But two redheads? Go ahead & nosy into our business! It's just very strange...

Top 10 List Of Things I Hate

1. Having to poop right after I've taken a shower
2. White lies
3. Chapped Lips
4. U2
5. Being chubby
6. Emo kids

7. Heelys

8. People who go to funerals for people they didn't even know
9. Motorcycles
10. "lol"

Massages

I didn't get bangs. Not yet. Maybe next time when it's not 106 degrees outside (or else they would just be plastered to my forehead all day in sweat). This weekend was pretty good. Saw Ron White the comedian on Saturday. He was nice & raunchy. Starting that C25K too. I've done 4 half marathons but I think I'm gonna scale back for awhile & try to have a REALLY good 5K time (which to me is under 30 minutes). We'll see how that works. The hubby is starting it with me too (and already seems to have pulled his hamstring).

Got a much needed WONDERFUL massage today... needless to say, she said my body was all out of sorts (which doesn't surprise me since the last time I had one was Spring). I think I might just splurge & get a facial too this week. I need some "me" things to maybe get me out of this funk. It finally rained today so maybe that too will make it cooler, which will make me happier!

All day I think of things I'm going to blog, then I forget them when it's time to plug them in. Oh well. I'll remember them later & add. You're just gonna have to sit through the boring for now.

To Bang or Not to Bang...

So normally I grow my unprocessed red locks out until they are long enough to donate to some kind of charity (Locks of Love, Beautiful Lengths, etc). Last September I donated so now I am in some middle phase of hair growth. I don't get it cut as frequently as I should (instead of every 6 weeks its more like every 3 months). So I'm going to a new stylist today to see if he can get me out of this hair funk. Last May I got bangs. Everyone loved them. I loved them. Then they started to grow. Then I bitched about them for about 4 months until they were long enough to look like I wasn't growing them out. Now that I don't know what to do with my hair though, bangs are looking like a nice way to spice up a boring head of hair. So we'll see what he tells me today. I'll post pictures later.

So... what now?

I'm starting a blog. This is my first and I don't even know who will be reading this. But I just thought I would use it as an online diary for now to vent, confess, ponder, etc. I kind of have a really twisted view on things so maybe others will find it funny (or offensive) but whatever. Right now my life is kinda like I've been living the movie Marley & Me for a whole year. Pretty intense but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? We'll see.